Week 19

Dear baby

I dreamed of you for the first time last night! I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible it was, it was just the coolest thing.

I can’t say it’s left me with any sense of what you might look like, or whether you’re a boy or a girl. Just a sense of how much my heart has been captured.

I have to confess. After several days of letting myself feel fed up about work, eager to get started with my own business before you are born, thoughts of where we will live when we move house in a few weeks, and becoming overly annoyed at the incessant (and unnecessary) pregnancy advice from every man and his bleeding dog whenever I come up for air – it was so nice of you to remind me what matters most. Not what I am doing to earn a living for the next 3 months, not what I might do in the future, not what Joe Blogs and any of his mates have to say about anything – but you. You and this day we have together, right now.

I’ve been filling up my time with preparation for your birth, but to be honest – in the last few weeks I had completely forgotten about you. I’m sorry baby.

I don’t mean forgotten about you in the sense of ‘forgetting your existence,’ by the way (although it’s easy to forget I am pregnant at times, seeing as I am feeling so well!) – but just that I had forgotten to take the time each day to connect with you and cherish this journey we are on together. To gently squeeze my tummy, so you know I’m saying hello. To talk to you when we have the chance to be alone. To let you listen to the music that makes me happy. To take you to quiet, calm environments for a swim, a walk, a dance, and to hear the sound of the wind through the trees. And to feel those little bubbles and tightenings low in my tummy and to know that is you.

I want you to be your own person from the moment you are born, baby. You will only be a part of me whilst you are in my tummy; thereafter you will always carry my love with you wherever you go – but you won’t be an extension of me anymore, you will be you. Just you. Your daddy and I want to raise you to be independent, able to stand on your own two feet and think with your own strong mind, from as young as you are able to. We will always protect you, support you, encourage you – and shower you with our unconditional love, forever – but I know you will only be my dependent baby for such a very short time. I promise not to take you for granted anymore, and to cherish every day with you growing inside me. And every day that I get to feed you, bathe you, dress you, and put you to sleep, once you are born.

And for now, as I am getting on with my life, my job, my social activities, and all of the other tasks that fill up my days – I will do so with a greater sense of you being with me. And whenever things start to feel a little less than calm, I will let you remind me what matters most. You.

Please visit me in my dreams again soon, baby.

Your excited and ever loving

Mumma
Xx

 

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