My heart-broke today – not for you my baby. But for someone who has lost their own. Not someone I know – this is the crazy and beautiful thing about life as it is today – but someone who I met online. Someone with a blog I follow. And a story that has touched my heart. Just days before the due date of their precious bundle of joy, they lost her. My heart ached for their loss, for anyone who has experienced the same, and it also ached with the magnitude of my love for you. And the split second thought that something, at some point, could happen to you. I had to leave the office (I really shouldn’t be reading peoples’ blogs whilst I am working, but, in my defense, it was lunch-hour) as the tears were silently streaming down my face. Such complete sadness and compassion for all of those Mumma’s who have lost their angels. And the totally overwhelming, soul filling depth of my love for you. You are safe inside of me, surrounded by my heart, my blood, my sustenance – and whilst I cannot wait to meet you and see your beautiful face, I am just so grateful to have you safe and sound inside of me for now.
Truth is baby, something, at some point, is going to happen to all of us. The only certainty with life is ultimately death. This poor woman’s experience really hit me with the reminder that life is fleeting, life is a precious gift for all too short a time. What matters is not how we got here, or where we go hereafter – but where we are today. We can’t fill up our days worrying about the things that could happen, or aren’t happening, or happened once upon a time – but what is happening right now. And to be grateful for this moment (you’ve just started kicking me – you are right here with me).
I love you and your daddy so completely baby – I belong to you both. And so whatever happens to us, whenever it does – nothing will ever end my love for you. It will exist forever.
And so in light of that – I decided to turn that sadness and fear around immediately, and to feel joyful instead. For all of those beautiful people in this world who are so full of love to give, and for my own love as well.
I have been so very blessed in conceiving you, and having such a healthy and comfortable pregnancy for 6 months so far – and I don’t want anyone to think for one second that I take all of that for granted. Every single day I rejoice in the fact that I have been so blessed, and I live in constant gratitude. You are my precious gift, baby. And you are also my little gift back.
Make the world brighter by being here. And enjoy the ride.
I love you forever,