Lots of things have been happening in the world this week, lots of things that stir the emotions of a new mother.
On the one hand there have been wonderful things happening – like the birth of a new Royal baby, a daughter for Prince William and Kate. This sort of thing makes my heart swell, with all the joy and love found in this world. But on the other hand, some not so wonderful things have been happening too – like the long overdue court trial of a local woman who was viciously killed. This sort of thing makes my heart ache, with all the injustice and horror that can happen in this world too. On the one hand I want to celebrate life and on the other hand I want to hide from it. Or, more to the point – hide you from it.
I love you more and more and more with each passing day. It’s a painful kind of love – one that runs deeply through me, leaving my heart tight and my eyes sting. I watch you, innocent, pure, unconditional… and when I hear of bad things happening in the world, it frightens me – for your sake. I wonder at what I could do to protect you more; I wonder what kind of world I have brought you into; I wonder when it will be, or what it will be, that shows you that life isn’t always beautiful or kind or fair; I wonder what I would do if anything happened to you… the thoughts and feelings I have sometimes terrify me. It’s because you mean so much.
That someone could mean so much to me certainly makes me feel overwhelmed with happiness – < I want to highlight that right now – but it also makes me feel so incredibly vulnerable. You are like my own heart beating, outside of my body. My love wants to consume you. Yet my job is to raise you in order to leave me. I am supposed to teach you to believe there is good in the world. Yet I must warn you never to trust strangers. I sure hope parenting gets easier! But I have a feeling it won’t – the best things are never easy.
However, whilst my instincts and every ounce of my being tells me to do so, I won’t ever hide you from the world baby. I want you to see it in all of its colours, and in every light – good or bad. And I will be right here beside you, behind you, always there whenever you need guidance, support, encouragement, or simply reminding of how loved you are. But it will be your job to make sense of it all – and, hopefully, to believe there is good in the world. To be the good.
It was truly wonderful news to hear of Wills and Kate’s little princess being born – I struggle to think of anything greater than a new baby. Some are born into better circumstances than others, that’s for sure. And I don’t mean in the royalty vs. commoner kind of circumstance. I mean that some babies are born into love and safety. Some sadly are not (which in itself is a troubling fact of life, and unfortunately one I have no idea how to solve other than loving you…). But what I want to say is this: every single person to be born is special and important, no more or less so than any other. Whether you are born to the future King of England, a farmer, a Scientist, an artist, a shop-keeper… everyone has their role to play in this world and deserves as much love and grace as any other. It’s up to each of us to make the most of our circumstances. What matters most is not how or where we are born – but the kind of person we become. You should live to be kind, compassionate, respectful, and loving… in whatever it is that you do.
And you can do anything.
I also hope you develop an appreciation of nature, of individual differences, of music, mystery, excitement… and beauty. There really is so much, all around us, to be thankful for. To rejoice in.
Your life is what you make of it. And in the time you have, baby, may it be full of feelings. May you look after yourself, and those around you, and be all the good you want to see in this world. And that’s pretty much the best you can do.
There’s a whole lotta love out there, baby – and a whole lot of it is just for you.